Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
