dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My feet surprised me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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