My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
