If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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