ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
