my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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