Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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