It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
