dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
