I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
