dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Randomize
