dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm really busy with my period
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