So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
