I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
