I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
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