shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
