Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
