Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will pee on everything he values.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
