do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
