So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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