I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
