You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
