i permit you to call me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
