I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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