the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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