He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
