Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
