i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
