I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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