If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
