Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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