The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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