Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
