I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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