First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
