Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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