I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
