Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
