Soap is not a condiment
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
