It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They are going to name an STD after you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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