I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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