I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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