porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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