He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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