Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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