The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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