I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
