something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
