you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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