I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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