im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can I color on your dick again?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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