i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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