He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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