My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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