dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
