I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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