upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want to be your penis for a week.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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