Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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