i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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