I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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