i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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