jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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