Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
