Buhtt sex?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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