I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
