When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
