I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
