some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
